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Thoughts on the Breadwinners Pilot and Nickelodeon
So I decided to watch the YouTube short that Nickelodeon decided to pick up and turn into a cartoon, and I’m going to be blunt—this looks to be one of the worst cartoons that I’ve ever seen in my life Allen Gregory; Ctrl+Alt+Del. I’d hate to make this comparison, but it feels like Madballs Gross Jokes was just picked up for a show. It’s definitely trying to attract it’s target audience of 6-11 year old boys in the exact same way; with pandering bullshit. "But it’s just a YouTube short" well, Dusk’s Dawn was better written and better animated. I’m dead fucking serious. Dusk’s Dawn wasn’t trying to shoehorn gross out into every single minute. I’m obviously not in the target demographic, but it’s people who grow up on shit like this that end up going to see things like Epic Movie in earnest. Every joke it tells is either gross out, a pop culture reference, painfully obvious, or out-there random. The voice acting is probably the best aspect of it, but it’s mixed poorly with its background track. Not to mention that the whole thing never shuts up. And what the fuck is with that yeti thing? The concept is bizarre as fuck with no grounding. Ducks like bread so let’s run to hell and back with that. This tells me exactly how desperate that Nickelodeon is. They saw this badly made video that barely has more than 100k views (which is not that great in the grand scheme of things, and definitely not show worthy), and they signed it on for 20 episodes. It obviously wants to be Adventure Time, and I bet that Nickelodeon is kicking themselves for that. Personally, I’m estatic that Nickelodeon didn’t get Adventure Time. I mean, it would likely get the sponge treatment, if you know what I mean. On cartoon Network it has been allowed to flourish. "It’s just a kid’s show." This again? By "kid’s show standards" it still sucks. I wouldn’t let my kids watch this, or pretty much anything on Nickelodeon. Yes, they’ve got Legend of Korra. But everyone says that it’s not as good as Avatar, and Korra will end at some point. Nickelodeon is behind both the Disney Channel and Cartoon Network, and they’re probably behind the HUB too. Nickelodeon needs to learn one simple fact: PANDERING IS NOT PROFITABLE I have no idea why that sounds like rocket science. Pandering is not profitable. In the short run, it might let you break even but that’s it. "What about those toy shows from the 80’s?" They were watched for the toys, not the other way around. Think of the greatest cartoons of all time. Think of Looney Tunes; think of Animaniacs; think of Batman: The Animated Series; think The Flintstones. What do all of them have in common? They have stories that anyone could enjoy, and they neverpandered. They didn’t shoehorn in gross out because they wanted to appeal to stereotypes. But let’s put all of that aside. Breadwinners is at best redundant, and at worst useless. Nickelodeon, you’ve already got a show that panders to the 6-11 boy demographic? It’s called Sanjay and Craig. Yeah, I’ll say, Sanjay and Craig is a better show than Breadwinners. Keep in mind that Sanjay and Craig has an episode where the two titular characters “become the proud parents of a fart baby” where a fart is treated like a realistic pregnancy and the episode is used as nothing but an excuse to have fart joke after fart joke. Where have I heard the first part of that plot before? Oh yeah, Stimpy’s Pregnancy from Ren & Stimpy’s Adult Party Cartoon. And for the record, modern Spongebob did an episode whose only jokes were fart jokes better. Yes, I said it. The episode was Perfect Chemistry, and it’s probably the funniest post-season-four episode. When I said that Nickelodeon needed to die in Spongebob You’re Fired, I meant it. A lot of people think that I’m one of those Spongebob fans that have seen it become perverted and was jaded. I was never much of a Spongebob fan. I never had anything against it (except the overplay), but I wouldn’t watch it religiously. No, that jaded feeling more aptly describes my feelings towards Nickelodeon itself. The whole channel. Back in the day, I had a hard time choosing which was my favorite cartoon channel: Nick; Cartoon Network; and Toon Disney. Toon Disney had a lot of good cartoons based on their movies and plenty of other classics like Goof Troop or Recess (I’ve really got to do an Admirable Animation on Recess someday). Cartoon Network had the Cartoon Cartoons, which need no introduction. They also had Samurai Jack, and Toonami. And Nickelodeon? They had the classic nicktoons. First of all, it was the first of these three channels so it helped influence the creation of the other two. It had shows like Hey Arnold! and Rugrats, which have episodes that are still remembered and loved to this day. Fanboy and Chum Chum, Breadwinners, and Sanjay and Craig do not have any episodes that will still be remembered… well, at least not in a positive way. Nickelodeon’s “Idea” List * Give M. Night full control over the Avatar movie, in spite (or maybe because of! conspiracy) of his recent failings, and give the Avatar creators no input whatsoever. * Make a live action version of Fairly Odd Parents, which shits all over one of the better specials of that show. * Rely solely on one show, which steadily allowing it to get worse and inject virtually no quality control. * Reject both Adventure Time and The Modifyers * Yet, greenlight a shitty five minute animation you found on YouTube for 20 episodes. What’s next? The Duck Song show? * Give Sheen his own show (I’m not even sure if he was the most popular character on Jimmy Neutron) * Greenlight Sanjay and Craig, a show that has more toilet humor than Ren & Stimpy, and far less class on how to use it. * Give Fanboy and Chum Chum 2 seasons. * Keeps making crappy cut-and-paste Kid Coms. I’m not against them doing live action shows (they’re not CARTOON Network after all), but they don’t have the charm of say All That! Can someone please tell me how and why this channel still exists? Schedule: This Week: Princess Promenade April Week 1: Fart Baby and Craig April Week 2: '''Cold War and Chum Chum (I don't think they're making new episodes, but it's still getting airplay so it counts) '''April Week 3: '''Stank Breath Breadwinners '''April Week 4: Super secret project. May Week 1: Cars 2 (unless I need an Admirable Animation to recooperate). Category:Miscellaneous